Monday, 30 September 2013

Confession is not good for the soul


This weekend I have had a number of experiences that highlighted to me that an examination of motive is very very important, when deciding if to confess or not to confess. 

If I have done something to hurt you, and you do not know about it, should I confess to you?  Confession is good for the soul right?

What if the matter is a life and death issue?  If it is a stone cold tomb serious issue?  So large, so big that it’s impact in your life will send it veering dangerously.  “Tire burst dangerous veering into oncoming traffic” type of issue.  That there is a high probability that the issue will ruin you, your relationship, your whole life, all your kins life, and that of the next 7 generations?

Should I confess?  Come out of the blue and tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Will the truth set us free?

The “us” has a “me” and a “you”.  Will the truth set you free?  Maybe.  Finally.  After you have gone through immeasurable pain and wishing that you had remained in blissful ignorance.  Wishing you could turn back the clock to just moments before the confession happened?  So that you could refuse to hear the truth and remain happy and unaware? 

Will the truth set me free?  I do not know.  Maybe.  I will have changed my secret guilt into a public or shared guilt.  Will my burden shared be a burden halved? 

I will watch your denial.  I will watch the suffering you will go through as you come to the realization that the person you thought I was is not the person I actually am.  As you realise that I am a liar and cannot be trusted.  I will watch you wonder what else is a lie.  I will watch you hate yourself for being fooled by me.  I will watch you wail, mucus dripping loud mouth wailing in despair, as you wonder how the God you serve could have sent a venomous poisonous snake viper thing into your bosom. I will watch you hate me.  I will watch as you try to stop to care for me. 

At some point, I will get angry with you for carrying on so.  I will proceed to tell you things about yourself and your reaction to my confession that will probably add injury to the wound.  I will be wondering how long is this going to go on for, as probably month after month or year after year, things never quite go back to being the same.


I will be thinking this is not a burden halved, but a burden doubled - nay multiplied.

And I will remember that from the moment I started my self induced confession - I was wondering “why the hell did I speak”.  Better to have rotted with the guilt and crap in my soul than go through this.  
Image; savslifejournal, sparkpeople.com

Choices have consequences

“Choices have consequences,” the American president told the Kenyan people as they were about to participate in the last general elections.  Now Kenyan’s being the peculiar persons they are, keep on repeating the phrase.  And who am I not to join them.  So – choices have consequences.

The elections came and went.  Whether the current office bearers in Kenya were the right choice or not is neither here nor there - for the choice has already been made.  The consequences are clearly not apparent to most of us yet, for it has only been a few months, but I am sure in a number of years Kenyans will either be celebrating their choice all over again, or ruing it.

“Choices have consequences”, said a woman next to me to the person at the other end of the phone line.  I wondered what the warning was in regard to – I doubt it was a political choice she was referring to.  It must have been either professional or personal.  Which got me thinking about the whole choice and consequence thingini.

A choice usually means that one is making a decision.  It is “an act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities.”  This in turn leads to actions or words. 

Meanwhile, after careful analysis I think the connotation to the word consequences in the phrase mentioned, is not pleasant.  It invokes an unpleasant result.  It appeals to costs and penalties.  I would like to think that consequences are neutral.  That it is the “choices” that are either bad or good?

When I say something, do something, do I ever stop and think of what I want to accomplish?  What will be the outcome - in the short term and in the long term?  Do choices made now have ultimate consequences, which are larger than the choice and the now? 

Robert F. Bennett former, a former  United States Senator is quoted as saying “your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously.  If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life.  You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.

I like it.  I like the freedom part.  And add that, with that freedom must come responsibility - for my actions and words.  That though is a conversation for another day – how there is nothing like “free” freedom.

I like in principle the part about my life being “the sum result of all the choices”.  I augment it and state that “my life is more than the sum of all my choices.”  It cannot be that one plus one equals two.  Never!  Not in my life.  The universe is generous and cannot be that stingy to me.  There must be a multiplier somewhere - that makes my one plus one equal or larger than three.  An ultimate synergetic consequence.  An I hear a hallelujah? 

I do not like the part about “controlling the process of choosing”.  Why?  Because sometimes I am unable to control the choices available or the choices I can make.  Sometimes I have to satisfice and make do –which means I do not have the control – yes?

Final thought - if I do not make a choice, and give up all control, have I made a choice?  A non-choice? Do non-choices have consequences?


Images;synearth.net, adoptionbirthmothers.com 

Thursday, 26 September 2013

Creating the “reverse sorry”



Do you know how to create the “reverse sorry”?  What is the reverse sorry you ask?  Does even such a thing exist?  Yes the reverse sorry does exist.  It is the sorry that you say when you are the wronged party.  So – instead of you the wronged party receiving a sorry, you end up saying “sorry” to the person who wronged you.

Of course you can apologise to the person who has wronged you.  There is nothing wrong with that – if you do it voluntarily, but it does leave a very nasty after taste when you are manipulated into it.

How does one end up saying “I am sorry”, when you are the wronged party?  It is very simple really, and anyone can learn how to.  Here is how I do it.  It starts off with me doing something to someone (lets call him Bob) that annoys or wounds him.  Bob may react instantly, or after some time, but either way, Bob does react.  Gathering up his courage, probably with a gracious intention of just speaking out his hurt, and attaining some form of closure, Bob searches me out to have a chat.

The minute Bob opens his mouth to express his hurt or annoyance, is the minute I set of to create the reverse sorry.  No matter what Bob says, no matter what kind of edifying conciliatory language he uses, I will not give him an apology.  That is the first rule.  Never say sorry!

Second rule - never accept responsibility for anything.  If Bob tells me I called him stupid, I must show him either –how stupid he is, or that he is responsible for me thinking he is stupid.  It is his own fault that I called him stupid.  I bear no responsibility for my thoughts, words or actions regarding him.

Third rule – make the other party accept responsibility for everything.  And when I say everything, I mean everything.  Find a way to blame him for the outside temperature if need be.  How?  Example, “I am sure you are blaming me also that it’s hot.  I know you are blaming me for the heat.  You are irritated it is hot and you are blaming me.  Bob, I know you are acting like that because it is hot.  Just say your are not blaming me, if you are not.  Say!  You see.  Bob, you just blame me for everything and it is you who is to blame.  You are to blame for everything.  You see – you cannot say you are not to blame!  Mhh?”

Fourth rule – confuse the issue.  I will bring up irrelevant issues that of course have no bearing on the issue.  Bring up anything.  The shoe he is wearing.  The tie he is not wearing.  The hair cut his mum gets.  The way his dog does not bark.  What he said on the 3rd of March at 6:37pm six years ago.  What he did not say that time when your uncle asked him that question.  How he takes long to blink.  Whatever.  Just bring it up.  It does not matter if it is related to the issue, just bring it up.

Harangue the person – continuous talking with no room for the person to respond.  I pose irrelevant questions.  I will ask rhetoric questions.  I will ask asinine questions that if Bob responds to, means he sounds like a fool.  Example, “Can you hear me?  Do you understand?  When I speak to you?  Are you bothered about with what I am saying? Bob - can you answer me?  Mhh?  When I ask you a question, you do not think you should reply?”

Never be mild – substitute the more annoying and irritating word for anything you have to say.  Dog becomes mongrel.  Hair becomes pelt.  Conversations become verbal diarrhea.  Smiling is manic grinning!  Over the top is the theme here. 

Fold up your mental sleeves and limber up your tongue.  Work hard at saying anything.  There is nothing you cannot say and will not say.  Swear if you can.  Use nasty vernacular words if you are able to – things always sound worse in vernacular.

There is no retreat.  The aim here is to also make sure that there is no part two of the conversation.  I never entertain retreat.  Surrender is a no no!   This is not a series of skirmishes.  My strategy is the one large titanic battle to finish the war. 

How many rules are those?  I have lost count.  But this must be the tenth rule – coz I said it is the tenth rule. The tenth rule is the most important one – I.  Never.  Ever.  EVER. Lose my cool.  Never.  I never lose myself in the moment.  I look mad if you have to. I sound mad if I have to, but I never ever get mad!  Remember I am manipulating someone here.  If I get mad, I lose control, and so cannot manipulate.  Manipulators are cold.  So never get mad.  No matter what.

These rules are applicable sequentially, iteratively, serially and or concurrently.  They should guide your every thought and word in the chat with Bob.  The chat may be small or big.  Long drawn out or short and swift.  The aim is to wear out the person, so that they are become sorry they ever confronted you. 

Finally I go for the kill – the apology.  If I have effectively played by the rules, the apology will be automatically offered at this point.  If not I ask for it.  If it’s not forthcoming, I change tack and repeat the chat applying any or all of the above rules as required.

The plus side of this, apart from having created the reverse sorry, Bob will never confront me again.  Ever.  Or at least he will think twice or thrice about confronting me again.  If he is brave enough to call me out again, I will engage.  I will intensify the application of the rules.  Where x is intensity, I will now move from x equals one to x equals 10.  Bob will rue the day.

Bob; I am sorry

Me; Good.  I forgive you (magnanimously).

image from;http://busyfams.typepad.com/kks-busy-famblog/2012/01/whenyou-say-sorry-do-you-mean-it.html


Thursday, 19 September 2013

The minority trap works



minority rule 300x300 Why Does the Minority Rule?
It is a well known fact that individual apathy, when multiplied results in collective apathy.  Never did, and never will apathy become action.  The minority have used this fact time and time again to gain ground, mainstream and ensure they and their issues grown and mature into the majority.  I call this the minority trap.

The minority trap I define occurs when something that was abhorrent or distasteful to the population becomes the new norm.  Something that was perceived as going against a collective consciousness becomes acceptable to the majority of that population.

Here is how I have seen it work.  The minority take their issue.  For example – a person or a minority group of people decide that it is okay for one to talk to oneself.  Or they decide they like talking to oneself.  Next is to make the “talking to oneself” real.  They do this by giving it a name.  Let’s call this “talking to oneself” self-talk. 
Self-talk, Self-talking, self-talker, self-talkingly.  Nouns, adjectives, verbs and adverbs are coined and used.  Self-talk develops characteristics.  It gets an identity.  It has a genesis. It has a history.  It even has a discovery date.  And the first self-talker.

Self-talking may grow rules, but right now it is fluid.  Or maybe self-talking may be an art.  Either way, self-talking grows.  Dull monologues, quarreling, laughing, questioning, answering, exclaiming, shouting, rhetoric – all the aspects of normal dialogue apply, except that one does it by one’s self. 

I am a self-talker.  In fact, I am the first self-talker.  I talk to myself whilst alone.  And slowly I start self-talking in company.  Quietly, seemingly accidentally.  Then more openly.  I am not hiding or disguising my self-talking.

Strange looks.  Odd comments.  Of course people start wondering what is wrong with me.  Some move away from me.  When moving away from me does not work, they ask me to “please stop that”.  I ignore them.  Self-talking more often and more loudly.  People tell me more persistently and angrily to stop self-talking.
And now ladies and gentlemen - it is tie for the minority card.  Loudly and clearly I speak out, yell out, sing out.  You people (the majority) are against me because of my uniqueness.  I was born this way, or it happened to me all of a sudden, it is an emerging talent, it is my new norm.  You are infringing on my right to talk.  My right to talk to myself.  It is my basic verbal right, my oral right to talk to myself.  If I do not self-talk, I will suffer irreversible physical, emotional psychological harm.

Who will stand up for the populace and tell me to take my debe mouth elsewhere.  No one.  No body. No one can.  And no one does. In any case, I am ready for any opposition.  If even one lone soul does speak out, my minority oppression card gets bigger and bigger.

Concurrently the “cause takers” - the people who like a good cause, and if it is not a good cause will make it a good cause by force – harken to my call to arms, and take up the self-talk cause.  They go beyond singing out the issue.  They drum it.  They march it.  They riot it.  They explode it. 

The pied piper of self-talk is born.  More and more now claim the ability and the need to self-talk.  They are coming out and self-talking right left and centre.  In private and in public.  Everywhere you go, the self-talker is there.  They are among you.  They are surrounding you. 

You cannot speak.  No one else speaks.  No one in the whole world dare speak.  And be labeled “discriminator”?  So the world looks the other way and does nothing.  We the self talkers are so loud.  Each of us talking to ourselves.  

You – poor you!  You cannot hear anyone else – because we have shut up your ears by our self-talking.  One self-talker.  Two louder self-talkers.  Many many very very loud self-talkers.  You cannot hear when others speak to you.  We have closed your ears by our noise. We drown you out.  Normal conversations stops happening.  What was your normal is finished. 

What was strange, abhorrent, unacceptable, immoral becomes familiar.  The familiarity breeds contempt.  Contempt to being outraged.  Self-talking is now the acceptable normal.  The new normal.  The new desired normal by so many.   Multitudes are self-talking.  Soon “everyone is doing it” we say - to assuage the collective apathy.

The minority trap works.  The step from moral outrage, via amorality to immorality is something that is calculated and very easy to achieve.

“Would” I wonder, “the trap works in reverse – from immoral to moral?”

image; http://www.likeateam.com/why-does-the-minority-rule-2/



Tuesday, 17 September 2013

I need to get fired!



I read Sunny Bindra’s post (http://www.sunwords.com/) of 14th September “Here is your REAL employment contract”.  I uh-huh’d and mmh’d all through it.  It’s been a while since anything he wrote made me stop and think.  It was different from his recent writings  – not just localisation or a summary and discussion, where he gives his thoughts on someone else’s thoughts and idea. 

Anyway, let me borrow his style, and localise the article.  Let me bring it down, break it down to my perspective.  Add my feelings and words, give my examples or two, but basically not offer any new idea?
That was my original intention.  Epiphanic thought though followed my reading of the article.  Something I already knew, had suddenly became a truth.

He says I am a human “resource”.  He lies.  Yes – from my perspective, he lies.  The truth is worse.  
Servitude is what it is.  Indentured servitude.  Indentured by self.  Indentured by fear.  Indentured by need.

I thought I was onto a good deal.  I thought if I worked, I could free myself.   I thought that if I worked, a time, would come when as some cusp, I would be projected out of the drudgery of daily toil.  Delusion.  Oh the pain of it. Indentured by self.

I brought myself here.  Bound by the known.  Following in the path that others had trod.  I took the path well trod.  That’s the lamblike mind numbing truth.  Afraid of a miss-step.  Afraid of the unknown.  Afraid of what a tomorrow out of my comfort zone would mean.  Indentured by fear.

I needed to live.  To eat.  To sleep. To cloth. To travel.  To pay the bills. Needs that never end.  And never will. Growing needs.  Escalating needs.  Indentured by need.

I need help.  HELLLLLLLLLLLP!!  Save me!  Somebody save me.  Salvation find me.  Boss help me.  Fire me.  I need to get fired!  Because there is no way my emancipation is going to be self wrought! 

Oh hell – who am I fooling?