Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Thou shalt judge

I started writing this as a give and take, between person A and person B.  And they were discussing C.  And C's actions and life.  And basically A was saying that C was evil, or rather C's actions were evil, wrong, a sin and C was hot footing it to hell.

B on the other hand was asking A -who are you to judge and adding that if A was without sin, then then A could cast stones.

Bystanders, the bible thumping kind joined the sinning and judging fray, and surprisingly there were different quotes supporting both sides.  They are many.  Those on judgement, who should judge and who should not judge and to whom judgement belongs to.  And those on sinning and definitions of sin, and what happens too sinners. 

Verses were dropping all over. On both sides of the divide.  Verses were used however.  In no context whatsoever.  Who cared about the meaning, so long as you could quote the chapter and verse, even half the verse, and uses it to support your argument. 

The argument has not ended.  It seems to be going on and on.  I think the “we cannot judge” group seem to be winning [especially on popular social media sites] because, truth be told, morals went out of the window there a long time ago.  If you stand for the opposite of sin, you are not modern, with it, accepting and the whole big avante garde modern thought shebang, whatever that may be.

The other question someone asked me recently was, what is morality anyway?  Is what is moral for me, the same as what is moral for a person across the world from me [must find those coordinates], who has never even heard of Judaism let alone Christ. What is goodness?  Is goodness morality?  Does goodness mean the same where I am, and something different at those coordinates I am going to find?

I put it to you that between A, B and C, there is three things at least.  One side of the story, the other side of the story, and the truth.  For truth does exist, and it is devoid of any of our opinions.  It stands naked.  It does not matter if A is miss goody two shoes or B the mother of depravity.

One thing I know, is we all [A, B and C] like to be right.  To be looked up to. Admired.  Accepted.  And depending on where we are, we can sometimes try to say that others are wrong so that we look more right.  We [as A] therefore condemn others, so that we can be more than both B and C in the crowds eyes.  Yes, we are playing to the crowd.

This is the problem.  This judging of others, so that we can look good.  Stop it A!!   Thou shalt not judge!! Let it be your personal commandment.  Okay?

That said, me thinks we need to judge.  Lets stop pretending.  We judge.  All the time.

How are we going to maneuver through this horribly obstacled life if we cannot see this is wrong, this is right?  How are we going to decide what we are going to do?  Every moment, every day.

Do we not go through some thought process where we measure what we have, what we have seen, what we have been told, what we want to do, with some standard?  What is this called?  Judging?  Passing a judgement on what is good for us?  Did we just judge something?  Goodness gracious, we just judged.

That's the word.  Just there.  Just.  The word is justness. Fairness.  Not for the destruction of others.
Our espri de judge – should be humbleness and selflessness.  At least let others be as we build ourselves.  Or even go a step beyond that and building others as we build ourselves.

Do not judge to show up people.  Do not judge to show others that we are better than them.  Do not take prissy stands for the purposes of condemning others.  Be shrewd.  Be discerning. Be just. Thou shalt judge.

image from http://goodtimesalways.com

Friday, 17 April 2015

I am a perfect lady

My words are strong.  Very strong.  Sometimes too strong.  Wince causing strong language.

I have many lines of defense.  The first one is that I speak it or write as it comes.  Is that a good defense? That if I changed the words it would not be my original thoughts?

Another line of defense- if I try to change the words, then the message, the meaning of what I was saying is lost.  And I cannot allow that to happen, now can I?

I can argue it is my style.  That I do not know any other way.  It is like walking.  I can only walk a certain way, have a certain gait.  Worse still – like breathing.  I cannot change the way I breathe, now can I?

They scare me by the way.  The strong words.  Because I wonder if I will ever know when it is just too much, when I am too much.

They shock me too actually.  When I examine the things I said, the things I wrote.  And I am like – was that me?  Goodness – too much. 
I wonder -should I go easy on my words and language?  The ideas, the thoughts?  Why can’t I be gentler.  In manner, word and deed. 

I was told recently, we are each a product of our socialisation.  Though again I think the born part and not the formed part is what ultimately comes through when it is crunch time.  Random thought that, I digress.  Were you taught to be a lady?  To be toned down?  To be quiet? 

Were you taught not to use some words.  Not to say some things.

Were you taught not to do some things.  That you must act this way?

Was I taught the same?

If I call it like it is, speak it like it is, do it like it is, am I not a lady?  Was does ladysim start? Where does it end?  When it ends, what am I?  What will they call me?

What is the norm for a lady? In the part of the world you are in – are you a lady?  Do they call you a lady?

The woman in Egypt, who wore male garb all these years, walked male, talked male, hangout male, to fend for her and her kin - is she a lady in Egypt?  Would she be a lady in your home town?

Do ladies have hidden pockets of ungodliness and crassness?  Some earthy vulgarity?  Do ladies ever speak words that are improper, or earthy and blue?  Is turning up your loud unseemly?  Not the proper thing for a lady to do?

Are mad women ladies?  

Am I a lady?

I am a lady.  Not a perfect lady.  I am my own lady – which is the perfect lady for me.

image from http://www.shutterstock.com/

Execution of a marriage

After a certain number of years of marriage, and you are still married, as happily as you thought you should be and would be, you need to kneel down and thank the good Lord, or whatever deity on nondeity you subscribe to.

Reason?  You have tangled, examined each other, weighing in, judging in, and have found your marriage wanting.  What is that bible verse? Mene mene tekel what?  Upharsin – yes? Mene, mene tekel upharsin. The marriage has been mene’d mene’d.  You have counted it.  Individually.  Together. Severally.  Probably numbered it - on a scale of one to ten.  And it has been found wanting, lacking, oppressive, unhappy, deficient, miserable, bad,  untenable, harmful. 

The writing is on the wall. It is not working.  Final analysis - the days of the marriage are clearly numbered.  Impending doom is gathering.  A division of the two that had became one. 

It is a heartbreaking, unfortunate, woeful situation. 

Disappointment aside, you have instead of carrying out an execution, of the spouse or of the marriage, decided to execute the marriage.  And work on it.  And it is working.

Don’t you like that?

image from https://www.pinterest.com/

Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Resource and human

I attended a talk recently.  It was organised by a network group for women in entrepreneurial activities – fempreneurs we are called.  The talk was given by a lady who runs her own business.  Successfully I might add.  She runs her businesses successfully.  She talked of how she had made it.  Her failures and her successes.  She shared openly.  Some things she said struck a cord with me, others didn’t, or I cannot remember them - I am an adult learner.  Attention span zero. Retention rate, slightly above zero if it makes my meaning. 

One of the things she talked about was staff.  Hiring staff.  And staff leaving. Your organisation.  And thus you.  The reason I remember that one item so well was because someone else, somewhere else, in a later conversation, was really disgruntled but at the same time relieved when an employee left them.  And this was our thought process.

So you get excited with your hires?  The one you know will just fit into your organisation?  Or your house?  Gel just right with everyone.  Will work with you for ages?  And then, abracadabra they leave.  Gone. 

Sometimes you see the departure coming.  Sometimes you want them to leave.  They never lived up to the perceived promise, but the hassle of dealing with hiring someone new, getting them up to speed, makes you keep the current soooooo below par performer who is driving you crazy.  And when they leave, of their own accord, for whatever reason you are like ‘hallelujah’, saved me from that conversation plus the money in lieu of notice.

Sometimes you do not see the departure coming.  One minute they are there.  The next gone.  And it hurts.  Imagine it does. Or used to.

But I learnt.  Bit by bit.  That employees are just that.  Employees.  And need no investment of myself.  The only thing they need is money from me.  Period.  You work.  I pay you.  According to your work.   You have a relationship with your pay check.  My business writes you the pay check.

What you want is a pay check, money.  So just like anything else my business has to buy, it buys you.  The resource.  I manage you – the resource, and use you well.  Utility is key.  Resources costs money.  I must look after my money.  You work – you get paid.  No bonuses.  No rewards.  No days off.  No freebies.  No emotions, no hopes.  No one gives out medals for having too much heart, for being caring, being a giver.  Giver of myself.  Investing so much of my expectations on you and others of your elk.  For now I am unoptimistic with you.  I know you are a taker.  Looking out for yourself.  

And over time, it has stopped hurting.  I do not take it personally.  When you leave me.  It doesn’t bother me any more.  I have got rid of expectations.   I watch myself.  And when I find myself about to give space to expectations, I pause, pull back and move on. 

You want to go now?  Okay - hand over and see you.  Which bothers me a bit.  My detachment.  What have you turned me into?  But I need to look out for myself.  For my business.

I may like you.  See your potential.  But your value for me, right now, is what you are doing for me, for my business, right now.  And not the fulfillment of your potential, ten years down the line.  That is your business, not mine.

All I should be, is fair.  To you my resource.  If I am very very lucky, I may one day meet some humans.  But meanwhile, NEEEEEEEEEEEEEXT!!

Image from http://www.wackybuttons.com