Wednesday, 28 January 2015

I cannot spell

I cannot spell.  Not to save my life.  At all.  It was reinforced in my early schooling years, when my father asked me to correctly spell assignement. [It is being underlined in red.] Autocorrect says my spelling is wrong.  Lets try again.  Assigment? No. What?  Assingment? Nooo?  One last time......asignnement,  asiggnement?  

Bah humbug.  Whatever.

Apart from him – my father, not being an empathetic person [and I am just being sensitive to sensibilities here], no amount of haranguing, pinching or smacks would get me to spell that word.
I closed the Word Perfect, Better English and winged it by sound. And I have been winging it till now.

It does not help that I am a speed reader.   So I never ever ever read the words as they should be read, but somehow just the key letters.

I write.  Of course I write.  On some device.  

I have three pre-writing actions. One – I choose English UK.  Not US.  UK.  Even if I cannot spell, I like the es and not the sed.  I like the ou and yu and not the ou alone.  Two – I make sure the autocorrect is on.  And three - activate the spellchecker.  So that at least even the wrong words are spelt correctly.  You know what I mean?

Sometimes a wrong spelling escapes. Sometimes the wrong word, which unsenses the sentence.  Sometimes I just do not care.

But it bothers me. Especially when it is someone else’s work and not mine. It bugs me to bits.

I ask; do you have a language setting?  Do you have an autocorrect function?  A spellchecker?

I know you can get lazy, and I know that just like me, sometimes you do not care, but for wads sake, plis, pllis cheque yaw spelings. [Me thinks my checka things gone bonks againe?]

image from

Friday, 23 January 2015

I am not a mally kind of person

The kind of person who wakes up in the morning. 

And my major plot of the day is to get to the mall. 
By hook or by crook
To do whatever
Or nothing
To hang out at the mall
A mally kind of person

Look around.
From shop to shop
Floor to floor

Idle banter with the staff in this shop
And that shop
Any shop
Who know you are idling
Wasting your time with theirs

Sit on the bench by the lift
Watch the madams and mans go by
Wondering how busy they are
And how unbusy I am

Ask who is around.
Lets have lunch?
I am the only mally today?

Post my location on facebook
Hope other idle person sees it
And comes idling to you

Sit under the canopy, tent thingini
In the inside outside café place
And drink a latte
For the free power and wifi

Move to the food court
Have a little from this window
And a little from that window
Talk loosely with the fella on the next table
Stare tastefully at the strange chick across
Or is it a guy, can’t tell

Decide it’s time to go some place else
Have a little drama with the parking attendant
As you decide you will stay after all
And you just need to reverse back into your parking

Crawl back into the mall
Give up and buy the bloody hoot loom band thing
From the trolley on the ground floor

Up the stairs again
Hi – you still around
Grrr!! Boreeeeed!

Look for any freebie that’s happening
Buy one get one free?

Oh what the heck
The pub
Number of beers
Am I getting home yet?

On idleness
Full idleness

Wednesday, 7 January 2015

I fired myself

I fired myself because I could not fire the company, the boss or any other employee.  I took control of what I could control.  I took control of myself.  I fired me.  Did right by me.  Not right for the company.  Not right for the boss.  Not right for the human resources officer.

I fired myself to do right by me.  Because I live with me 24/7.  And will never live with the boss, the HR or the company, so help me God.  And what is right for them all, can never be right for me.

I fired myself because I asked myself one question.  If I were to die today, is this it?  This would be the last day of my life?  Walking into crap, doing dot, achieving zero, a daily merry go round horror, exhausted in mind and body, tired of machinations and disrespect of individual and sycophants?  Meaningless.  Fulfilling.  Unrewarding.  

If I was to die today, would this be how I would have spent my last day on earth?  Nooooo!  Loud reverberating horror movie kind of NOOOOOOOO!  Re-echoing and resounding back into my centre.  A dismaying NO!

And I was going to die today.  If I stayed there, I was going to die today.  Every day another death.  Multiple daily deaths.  From body and soul illnesses brought about by denial.  By refusal to accept reality.  That this, this whole scenario, this whole job thing right here, was not working.

I clearly remember my last walk down the long walkway.  I did not know it would be my last walk.  But I prayed.  Deeply.  My silent prayer, “Lord, my God, let this be the last time I walk down this walkway.  Please.  No more of this.”  

So I am fired.  My dear woman.  Fired.  Self fired.  I fired myself, and will never walk that path again.  Nay and doomsayers said, please do not leave until you have another job.  Wait and you will get another job.  Are you sure you are doing the right thing?  

My heart does thud to that beat, for I am fearful.  Horrifyingly fearful.  But I know that courage is not the absence of fear, but the ability to go on amidst the debilitating something that wants to hold you down and freeze your brain.  The nay sayer inside and outside of me.

I suffer despair.  But have faith.  I fly on the wings of faith.  Propelled by hope.

I do not know what tomorrow holds.  But I know, what that moment held.  I had to get out of that room, shut that door behind me, get out into the hallway, and see what other door was open.  The door into my purpose.  I had to get out, to get into my purpose.

I know deep down down down in my heart, in that corner that I do not go to often, [and i paraphrase from someone] that I am not destined to live a run-of-the-mill life.  I know I am not average.  I know I am singular. I know that my life is more than just existing on this earth.  I know that my life has a very large purpose. 

I am a journey of my life.  A discovery of who I am.  As a human.  This core of me, which is genderless, ageless, timeless, is what my journey is all about.  And what I, this human has to go through to become what I am to become.

I can take a lot.  I can let you step on my head, so long as there is something for my head.  That something for my head, that reason.  Yes I can let you step on my head for a reason. Because, for everything there is a reason and a season.  Reason fulfilled and season ended?

I wonder, could the season be the reason? Could the reason be the season?

Yet sometimes the season is infinite.  Larger than our life.  And the reason, beyond our imigination and hope.  Larger than our life.  Is our destiny.  A legacy.

Ahoy my new horizon!! 

 Image from
updated 27th Jan 2015