Tuesday, 9 September 2014

Yellest



Yell
Yeller
Yellest

Yelling
Constant
Nagging
Irritating
Grinding
Loud

When you lose control and start yelling. 
Do you ever stop to ask yourself – why?
Is it about yourself? 
Is it about showing people who’s in charge? 
Is it about fueling your bad day?
Searching for kindling in every sock left unmatched?
And every speck undusted?
Or every minute late?

Is it about a pain?
Your pain?
Crying out to augment itself?
And grow to what should not be?

Where does it come from?
What is it for?
How does it help?
Where do you go with it?
When does it come?
Why did it start?

A mistake that worked
And become a habit?
An addiction?

It is not cultural
It is not inherited
Is it learnt?

Is loudness strength?
The opposite of weakness?
It loudness power?
The antithesis of inability?

Is it not possible
To rationalize and control
Your thoughts and your mind?
Your words and your deeds?

Or must others be encroached upon?
As your urge to control surges
Out of yourself
And thunders uninvited over others

Humiliating
Demeaning
Draining them
Helpless victims
Of your ego
Indisciplined
Unfettered
Unmastered
Juveniled
Negative
Drama

You must be right
All the time
And no one knows anything
And no one has a brain
And no one does anything right

You need to intimidate
You need to see fear
You need to feel fear
From those in your thrall
Feed off it

Make them respect you
Fear you
Obey you
Serve you
Makes you bigger
Makes you stronger

Marital problems
Sibling problems
Colleague problems
Employee problems
Street people problems

Viewed with pity
Viewed with shame
By bystanders
Un-enthralled

They do not accompany your voyage
You have no centre stage in their life
For they know
You need the fear of others
Because you are fear
“Fear of the future
Fear of the unknown
Fear of looking into your eyes and seeing you fall short of your self
Your expectations”

They know you are
Addicted to controlling
Enslaved by hate
Led to war
Mired down in sadness
Drowned in hopelessness

They hope
You can replace it
With something else
Turn it
Into something grand
Unhook it
Learn another pattern

Spirituality
Mysticism
Religion
Just plain awareness
Surrender
Of ego

See your mess
That has hitherto been invisible
To yourself
Burrowed within
Camouflaged
By self

Headon your fear
Of failure
Of loss
Loss of control

See
You are not what you thought you were
You are not perfect
You are human

Stop transferring
False sense of self
Fueled by ego
Onto others
To reflect falseness of you
Back to you

Witness
True reflection
From me
You are not perfect
You are human
Like I am
No better
No worse
Just the same

Sometimes
“Raised voices means raised expectations”
“Volumes reflect intensity”
“Not intimidation”
But never for you

So check it in
Can the yelling
The frustration
And narrow focus
Kill the anger
No longer victim
Owed or entitled

The tragedy would be
Never taking this path
Of self knowledge
Teaching others the habit
Showing them how to get a fix
Your mentees and  children
Creating rageful hateful souls
Bestest Yellers!



Wednesday, 3 September 2014

Make it and Break it


An oft quoted adage - make it or break it.  Rhythmic expression.  Succeed or fail.  Something or
burst.  Get there or die trying.

The determined amongst us, the driven amongst us, are either making it or breaking it?. 

But there are some not only making it, but also breaking it.  Yes – Success AND Failure? Make it and Break it?

You succeed.  You get to where you were going.  You get to the goal.  And.  At the same time you fail?  Strange huh?

But I have seen it.  You are soo set on getting to your goal, overwhelmingly driven to your end.  Totally target oriented.  Fanatic.  Blinders on to everything else.  Nothing else matters.  Nothing gets in the way.  Of your goal.

And you get there.

And when you get there – the goal is finished.  You stop and savour the moment.  And keep stopped.  And savouring.  And savouring.  And nothing else.  To do.  To look forward to.  And it’s just downhill from there.  Like those old fuddy duddy civil servants put out to pasture; I hang my head at the village mung’etho post, out of touch and out of sorts and die tout de suite.  I made it and broke it.

Or – you get there and stop.  And savour the moment.  And you look for the witness.  The validation of achievement of your ambition.  Some applause.  But there is nothing.  Silence.  Empty.  The rest of my life is long gone.  My kids, my wife, my brother, the watchman, the employees.  Not interested.  And I take a tally.  What happened?  When did it happen?  What am I now?  Where am I now.  In my nirvana alone.  Tired and broke down.  Broke down body, broke down family, broke down peace, broke down relationships. 

But I made it and broke it!!  Congratulate me?

graphic; http://lawyerkm.com