Thursday, 22 December 2016

Being myself


A friend sent me a link to a video of Madonna’s acceptance speech for the Woman of the Year, in the Billboard Women in Music Awards 2016.

In life she says, there is no real safety, except self belief.  Coupled to this is an understanding that she is not the owner of any of her talents, she is not the owner of anything for everything she has, is a gift from God.  And that the f’d up things that happen to her, are also gifts, to teach her lessons and make her stronger.  I liked that.  A lot.  Because I have come to a realisation, belief and total acceptance of my own gifts and their formation and use is also a gift from My God, purposed by Him.

She is vulnerable, nearly breaks downs as she speaks, about how hard it has been to be her.  To be Madonna.  Controversial. A daring woman, a bad feminist. 

She is thankful for the resistance of the doubters, the naysayers, everyone who gave her hell – everyone who said she could not, that she would not, that she must not - for it made her stronger, made her push harder, made her the fighter she is today.  I liked that too.  Because I have been receiving a large enough amount of censor recently.  About being myself.

Being myself.

I have been told I am too much.  Too this.  Too that. That I care too much.  That I should just let things be, let them slide, not care.  Stop caring.

That it doesn't have to mater that people have different faces, half truths and different truths at different times.  That they show or not show, tell or not tell.  That people can come and go, disappear and reappear in my space, as they wish and as they want.  I should just let things be, I should just let people be.

I've been manipulated, misunderstood, misquoted. 

I have made mistakes, not done what I should have, done what I should not have.  I have been rebuked and chastised.  I have paid some prices, and I’m probably waiting on some bills still to be presented.

All from being myself.

The message, has been so oft repeated in the last few months – that it does get you wondering.  Who am I?  What am I?  Whom should I be?  What should I be?

Yesterday. Today.  Now.  Tomorrow.

Its complicated ainit?  And a process. 

Being myself.

Image from https://www.pinterest.com/explore/fearfully-wonderfully-made/