Confession is not good for the soul

This weekend I have had a number of experiences that highlighted to me that an examination of motive is very very important, when deciding if to confess or not to confess.

If I have done something to hurt you, and you do not know about it, should I confess to you? Confession is good for the soul right?

What if the matter is a life and death issue? If it is a stone cold tomb serious issue? So large, so big that it’s impact in your life will send it veering dangerously. “Tire burst dangerous veering into oncoming traffic” type of issue. That there is a high probability that the issue will ruin you, your relationship, your whole life, all your kins life, and that of the next 7 generations?

Should I confess? Come out of the blue and tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Will the truth set us free?

The “us” has a “me” and a “you”. Will the truth set you free? Maybe. Finally. After you have gone through immeasurable pain and wishing that you had remained in blissful ignorance. Wishing you could turn back the clock to just moments before the confession happened? So that you could refuse to hear the truth and remain happy and unaware?

Will the truth set me free? I do not know. Maybe. I will have changed my secret guilt into a public or shared guilt. Will my burden shared be a burden halved?

I will watch your denial. I will watch the suffering you will go through as you come to the realization that the person you thought I was is not the person I actually am. As you realise that I am a liar and cannot be trusted. I will watch you wonder what else is a lie. I will watch you hate yourself for being fooled by me. I will watch you wail, mucus dripping loud mouth wailing in despair, as you wonder how the God you serve could have sent a venomous poisonous snake viper thing into your bosom. I will watch you hate me. I will watch as you try to stop to care for me.

At some point, I will get angry with you for carrying on so. I will proceed to tell you things about yourself and your reaction to my confession that will probably add injury to the wound. I will be wondering how long is this going to go on for, as probably month after month or year after year, things never quite go back to being the same.

I will be thinking this is not a burden halved, but a burden doubled - nay multiplied.

And I will remember that from the moment I started my self induced confession - I was wondering “why the hell did I speak”. Better to have rotted with the guilt and crap in my soul than go through this.

Image; savslifejournal, sparkpeople.com

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