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Creating the “reverse sorry”



Do you know how to create the “reverse sorry”?  What is the reverse sorry you ask?  Does even such a thing exist?  Yes the reverse sorry does exist.  It is the sorry that you say when you are the wronged party.  So – instead of you the wronged party receiving a sorry, you end up saying “sorry” to the person who wronged you.

Of course you can apologise to the person who has wronged you.  There is nothing wrong with that – if you do it voluntarily, but it does leave a very nasty after taste when you are manipulated into it.

How does one end up saying “I am sorry”, when you are the wronged party?  It is very simple really, and anyone can learn how to.  Here is how I do it.  It starts off with me doing something to someone (lets call him Bob) that annoys or wounds him.  Bob may react instantly, or after some time, but either way, Bob does react.  Gathering up his courage, probably with a gracious intention of just speaking out his hurt, and attaining some form of closure, Bob searches me out to have a chat.

The minute Bob opens his mouth to express his hurt or annoyance, is the minute I set of to create the reverse sorry.  No matter what Bob says, no matter what kind of edifying conciliatory language he uses, I will not give him an apology.  That is the first rule.  Never say sorry!

Second rule - never accept responsibility for anything.  If Bob tells me I called him stupid, I must show him either –how stupid he is, or that he is responsible for me thinking he is stupid.  It is his own fault that I called him stupid.  I bear no responsibility for my thoughts, words or actions regarding him.

Third rule – make the other party accept responsibility for everything.  And when I say everything, I mean everything.  Find a way to blame him for the outside temperature if need be.  How?  Example, “I am sure you are blaming me also that it’s hot.  I know you are blaming me for the heat.  You are irritated it is hot and you are blaming me.  Bob, I know you are acting like that because it is hot.  Just say your are not blaming me, if you are not.  Say!  You see.  Bob, you just blame me for everything and it is you who is to blame.  You are to blame for everything.  You see – you cannot say you are not to blame!  Mhh?”

Fourth rule – confuse the issue.  I will bring up irrelevant issues that of course have no bearing on the issue.  Bring up anything.  The shoe he is wearing.  The tie he is not wearing.  The hair cut his mum gets.  The way his dog does not bark.  What he said on the 3rd of March at 6:37pm six years ago.  What he did not say that time when your uncle asked him that question.  How he takes long to blink.  Whatever.  Just bring it up.  It does not matter if it is related to the issue, just bring it up.

Harangue the person – continuous talking with no room for the person to respond.  I pose irrelevant questions.  I will ask rhetoric questions.  I will ask asinine questions that if Bob responds to, means he sounds like a fool.  Example, “Can you hear me?  Do you understand?  When I speak to you?  Are you bothered about with what I am saying? Bob - can you answer me?  Mhh?  When I ask you a question, you do not think you should reply?”

Never be mild – substitute the more annoying and irritating word for anything you have to say.  Dog becomes mongrel.  Hair becomes pelt.  Conversations become verbal diarrhea.  Smiling is manic grinning!  Over the top is the theme here. 

Fold up your mental sleeves and limber up your tongue.  Work hard at saying anything.  There is nothing you cannot say and will not say.  Swear if you can.  Use nasty vernacular words if you are able to – things always sound worse in vernacular.

There is no retreat.  The aim here is to also make sure that there is no part two of the conversation.  I never entertain retreat.  Surrender is a no no!   This is not a series of skirmishes.  My strategy is the one large titanic battle to finish the war. 

How many rules are those?  I have lost count.  But this must be the tenth rule – coz I said it is the tenth rule. The tenth rule is the most important one – I.  Never.  Ever.  EVER. Lose my cool.  Never.  I never lose myself in the moment.  I look mad if you have to. I sound mad if I have to, but I never ever get mad!  Remember I am manipulating someone here.  If I get mad, I lose control, and so cannot manipulate.  Manipulators are cold.  So never get mad.  No matter what.

These rules are applicable sequentially, iteratively, serially and or concurrently.  They should guide your every thought and word in the chat with Bob.  The chat may be small or big.  Long drawn out or short and swift.  The aim is to wear out the person, so that they are become sorry they ever confronted you. 

Finally I go for the kill – the apology.  If I have effectively played by the rules, the apology will be automatically offered at this point.  If not I ask for it.  If it’s not forthcoming, I change tack and repeat the chat applying any or all of the above rules as required.

The plus side of this, apart from having created the reverse sorry, Bob will never confront me again.  Ever.  Or at least he will think twice or thrice about confronting me again.  If he is brave enough to call me out again, I will engage.  I will intensify the application of the rules.  Where x is intensity, I will now move from x equals one to x equals 10.  Bob will rue the day.

Bob; I am sorry

Me; Good.  I forgive you (magnanimously).

image from;http://busyfams.typepad.com/kks-busy-famblog/2012/01/whenyou-say-sorry-do-you-mean-it.html


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