Confession is not good for the soul

This weekend I have had a number of experiences that highlighted to me that an examination of motive is very very important, when deciding if to confess or not to confess.

If I have done something to hurt you, and you do not know about it, should I confess to you? Confession is good for the soul right?

What if the matter is a life and death issue? If it is a stone cold tomb serious issue? So large, so big that it’s impact in your life will send it veering dangerously. “Tire burst dangerous veering into oncoming traffic” type of issue. That there is a high probability that the issue will ruin you, your relationship, your whole life, all your kins life, and that of the next 7 generations?

Should I confess? Come out of the blue and tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Will the truth set us free?

The “us” has a “me” and a “you”. Will the truth set you free? Maybe. Finally. After you have gone through immeasurable pain and wishing that you had remained in blissful ignorance. Wishing you could turn back the clock to just moments before the confession happened? So that you could refuse to hear the truth and remain happy and unaware?

Will the truth set me free? I do not know. Maybe. I will have changed my secret guilt into a public or shared guilt. Will my burden shared be a burden halved?

I will watch your denial. I will watch the suffering you will go through as you come to the realization that the person you thought I was is not the person I actually am. As you realise that I am a liar and cannot be trusted. I will watch you wonder what else is a lie. I will watch you hate yourself for being fooled by me. I will watch you wail, mucus dripping loud mouth wailing in despair, as you wonder how the God you serve could have sent a venomous poisonous snake viper thing into your bosom. I will watch you hate me. I will watch as you try to stop to care for me.

At some point, I will get angry with you for carrying on so. I will proceed to tell you things about yourself and your reaction to my confession that will probably add injury to the wound. I will be wondering how long is this going to go on for, as probably month after month or year after year, things never quite go back to being the same.

I will be thinking this is not a burden halved, but a burden doubled - nay multiplied.

And I will remember that from the moment I started my self induced confession - I was wondering “why the hell did I speak”. Better to have rotted with the guilt and crap in my soul than go through this.

Image; savslifejournal, sparkpeople.com

Comments

What Madam requires

https://www.vectorstock.com I work as a domestic for my Madam. I look after Madam’s big family and her big house. I tend to Madams big garden and her big cars. For Madam – everything must be big. She herself is big. She is also big on ambition – both professionally and domestically. Which is where I come in. Today I had a review with my Madam. And she reminded me of her expectations and requirements regarding my performance. Some requirements were new, some she was just recapping. In my own words and in no particular order let me tell you what my Madam expects. My Madam requires; I am all-knowing. I must know everything that happened during my watch - where the bumps on the children came from and where her yellow, blue and green scarf is. She wore it yesterday and left it in the laundry basket. I am omnipotent - all powerful, invincible and able to do what is inhuman...

Of panty lines and such other

Truth be told, as one woman to another, your panty line cutting across your baytock is not a pleasant sight. True story. And no, I am not jealous. Truly, I really do not care that you have a big bum. And yes, my backside is minuscule, a peanut of a derriere. I am not well endowed in my nether regions. And still I am not jealous. Lets talk about us, the small haunched women. As the world goes gaga over the well endowed grogan ciandas, we too have drooled [in an appreciation of God’s creation kind of way and not on a sexual orientation manner], coveted those mahagas. We have each come to the realisations that, “my fundamentals is small ya?” We have told ourselves that “not all good things come in big packages” and “small is good too”. And with that admission has come acceptance and soon an appreciation for our pint sized rear My bottom is small. And to add injury to insult, it has a b...

Gal, before you get hitched....

Yeee!! You are getting married. Marriage is beautiful. You are in for a great ride!! Exhilarating and thrilling. Here is what I think you should know...... Marriage is an official arrangement. That demands some bureaucratic process and hunting for certificates and signatures from various authorities. Parking your backside on a man’s 4x6 bed and squeezing your underwear next to his in the bag hanging off the mobile wardrobe door is not a marriage. Even if you have four children. And it does not matter what the constitution says. Marriage happens when a man publicly stands up and says it has happened. Until that day, you are just a woman he sexes, a woman who bears his children, but is not good enough to marry. Before you marry, you know nothing about marriage. You have watched marriages. You have read about it. You have gone for pre-mar...

I will write on my table

I am a creature of habits and routines. Some good, some nasty, some neither here nor there – Rouge Deck thing with a crimson pool, that I nearly took a tumble into. Future wise words to self – wear flats on deck. lukewarm, which I hear is reviled in some quarters. One thing is, I do not often go into some spaces. Like the food, fashion and furniture affair at the DusitD2 space – nice, with its with its Rouge Deck thing with a crimson pool, that I nearly took a tumble into. Future wise words to self – wear flats on deck. Food was good. The mushroom fritter like bites dipped in a ricotta and something and dip were divine. I shamelessly munched on them in bunches of three. I told the bites distributer to via me every 5 minutes. Very obedient. I stopped counting at their fourth stop. Meanwhile, I was informed that the word divine is bougie bougie and to stop using it tout de suite. I did. Will never speak i...

Once upon a time you had a friend

Once upon a time you had a friend. And you were good friends. Then, like some good things, the friendship came to an end. There was no dramatic fallout between you. No hurled insults and abuses. No nothing like that. Just a longer time to respond to a greeting, and an increasing number of missed calls. And time. Time happened in between you. Sometimes you think about things from the other side of the friendship. And wonder if it was a deliberate decision to move on. But then you reason, it doesn’t really matter why the friendship ended, what is important is the fact that, once it was there, and then it was not. Then months later, or maybe years later, your former good friend turns up, and attempts to slide back into your life with a ‘Hello Stranger! How have you been?” smiley kind of electronic message. And you are thinking, “Stranger? Me? You stopped engaging in calls, sms or emails. You c...

not yet punditik

Search This Blog