not yet punditik

" You do not love yourself. " What? How! Why why why?   Why would I not love myself?   Have I ever loved me?   If I did – when was that?   When did I stop loving me?   Because I must have come into this world with some love of self. Is it the voices from the outside of me?   Form teachers and friends, loving family and relatives, supporting peers and competing colleagues?   Who say that I am too much, too little, too loud, quiet, too bold, timid, too assertive, retiring, too outspoken, reticent.   Every one of them has an opinion.   I have to change this, I cannot change that. This is what I must do, should do or can do.   People do not do this, they do that.   Is it them? Is it the occurrences of my life – of relationships and situations?   That I have woven and packed cumulatively into a dread thread of stories, that is becoming larger and larger.   The conclusions on slapdowns and hurts, ruins and mistakes, unwanted and unloved.   Burgeoning unb