Life left, Left life

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She is gone

You said her time was up

Her lease expired

She left the day you looked at your past

And told it the cliché

My past does not define me

She left the day you shouted down the urging

That whispered that life was large

That there must be more than this

She left the day you refused to acknowledge

That the past was hurt

And had a hold on you

She left in that instance

And your past became your now

And you embraced it

She left the moment

Your past became your future

And you received it

She left the day you acquiesced yourself

To not seeking

To not healing

The instance

That you died

While you still lived

She did not go softly

She fought and pleaded

But you were determined

You unthreaded her slowly

In action and in deed

From the weft and warp of your being

Piece by piece into the bin

Smaller and smaller she became

Then just a smudge

You dusted off your hand

Glad for a job well done

Thinking this was right for you

That it was the best way forward

The only way you could remain

And live with who you were

Unknowingly

You had weighed the two pains

And chose the familiar

You shrunk from looking into you

Fearing self revelation

Would ruin you

You’d chosen blindness to self

For you believed the truth

Wouldn’t set you free

Better to just let it be

Easier on the I

Cheaper too

Change has a high asking price

The charge quoted in pain currency

And you cannot afford it

Better to be here with the familiar

It is not as bad as it looks

And you know how it works

Better to stay here

Master of your shoreline

Than to move to unchartered parts

I’m doing this out of love

For you and all of us

The voice soothes

Lets not recall

Examine

Or resolve

There is nothing to reflect on

Learn or gain anyway

The past has no influence

Influence your outlook

Your attitudes

Your perceptions?

Influence your decisions

Your actions

Your relationships?

Noooo

It happened, it’s done

It ‘s dead, it’s buried

You have today to live

You just live it

You are good

It is not your fault

Things and people

Just happened to you

You just keep moving

You have now to do

And the rest of your nows

The voice tells you

That it is okay

Just keep on

You never question the voice

Never recognise

That it is fear

The urging always responds

A murmur

Up through the fear

Never listened to

Pushed away

Dismissed

You redeem its place to vices

That take control of you

And dim any need for choice

You seek self preservation

Of current status quo

Of yourself and all you hold dear

You choose a treadmill life

Expending effort going nowhere

Seeking nothing gaining nothing

You gave negligence your life

Created undefined frustration

And perpetual dissatisfaction

Still

The niggling

To stop and seek

Still

You suppress it

In fear

Fleetingly

You wish it was not too late

To go back

Too late to leap out of the playback loop

Too far along the path of time

Too late

For now

Is singular

Lives alone

And yet the urge

Pushes you options

Defines them

The pain of regret

Fearful

Resigning

The pain of change

Bold

Intentional

A choice

Life left

Left life

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