It’s all about me

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They - the world, keep on telling me, that it is not about me. That it is about the people in my life, my interactions and relationships. It’s about others. That I should view them as more important than I. And that making it all about me is the height of selfishness and egocentricity.

But, I recently had a conversation with someone, and subsequently sat in the audience for a sermon, and the message was the reverse – It is all about me. My life is about me, my actions are about me, and what I am doing is about me. It is all about me.

One view point must be right, and the other wrong. Or could both be right. A conundrous situation that. And could there be too, a third prism? That third part - I am not going to even entertain.

So - two sides, to it. A coin. With one side about me, and the other not about me? Double sided me. Within the width transverse of me the coin, where is the demarcation between it “being about me”, and it “not being about me”?

Let me think this through. Others matter – in relation to me. Which does align to my perception on the order of life; God – Me – Spouse – Child – Family – Others. Which many have disputed when I have articulated it in to them, but that’s all right. I don’t seek for agreement in any, let alone all my opinions. Unless you plan to be a fixture in my life, and then I require you to agree to all my crucial opinions. And this one, on the order of life - is an important one. And we are not discussing it or agreeing to disagree. It’s my way only.

So that part gets a tick on it being all about me. Me before you. Me before everyone else. Apart from God. It is about me. What I think. And what I want. What I choose. What I do.

So if it is all about God, then me, where does that leave others? Especially those who I know are better persons than me? I know who I am, what I am. I am full of vices and iniquities, a far far second to godliness. My default setting is vice and inequity. Or so I think. Wrong is easier, and funner, as my child would say, than virtue and saintliness. And the fact that there are better people than I, who should rightfully come before me in the greater scheme of things – means I’m in a quandary. I am not sure how to proceed.

It all doesn’t sit well with me. Because somewhere deep within me, I know that the totally selfish and egocentric self is not right. It is an easy place. But it is where my mind, will and emotions, ergo my soul, want to stay. Too easy. My heart doesn’t like it. My heart speaks. Of something bigger, grander, and certainly knows, that what it speaks of is not easy.

My heart knows, because it is God’s. Because I am created in the likeness, in the image of God. I am of His spirit, and my spirit, seeks to return to Him, partake of my share in Him, and not just be me. Not just be full of me.

Have you ever heard of the anecdote about the jar, filled progressively with first stones, then pebbles, then sand, then water? At each filling, it appears full, and then after a shake, can still take the subsequent item and the next of a lesser bulk. I’m full of stones. Rubbish? But I think that space can still be found for some pebbles? Some sand? Water? Some good stuff?

Me – in all my full human stony weakness. Can be filled with some good stuff? I know there is room. I know that the stones can be smothered. Shrunk? And disappeared? That I can be turned into a being of strengths and virtues as I get filled up with the love of the Father, with the grace of my Saviour, plus the fellowship of the Holy Spirit? And I take on a new appearance? The stones decrease in volume, and the good stuff rises in presence? In my being? My thoughts? And actions?

Then it ceases to become all about me. And becomes about God in me. It’s not all about me.

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