The in-between heart

You care too much a relative once told me.  You love too hard.  That is not a good place to be, she said.  Because when your heart is in too much, you hurt too much when things go awry.   

It's true.  And when things go awry, I do not practice hate, I do not take up against you.  But I put you away, forget you.  Out of mind.  Not remembered.  At peace.

But what is the opposite?  Not to feel strongly about things?  Not to be passionate?  Not to care that much?

Would that not be akin to not breathing for me? 

Would that not mean going into my dna, manipulating it to change my whole being?

Killing my faith?  Killing my hope?  Killing my love?

I must guard my heart. Put boundaries in place.  Boundaries are good things.  Drawing a line on the acceptable behavior turf is good.  Guarding my heart is good.  Isn’t it?

Of course it is.  But putting people away is sometimes not possible, and sometimes not good.  Which means that sometimes you still have to deal with people who cross these boundaries.  People whom you cannot be warm or hot to.  People you cannot be cold to.  You place them somewhere, there, in between. To paraphrase one of my good friend, “the in-between heart is where you place people you barely know.  It is where you place the friends who did things you couldn't understand – things against you or others.  Things that made you wonder who they were.  Things that made you wonder how they reasoned, how they thought, what kind of data do they have, what information do they analyse.  I do not know that person!”

So to you whom I do not know, and to those that did things I cannot understand, welcome to my in-between heart, where I will bear no hurt. 

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