
I have many lines of defense. The first one is that I speak it or write as
it comes. Is that a good defense? That if I changed the words it would not be my original thoughts?
Another line of defense- if I try to change the words, then the
message, the meaning of what I was saying is lost. And I cannot allow that to happen, now can I?
I can argue it is my style. That I do not know any other way. It is like walking. I can only walk a certain way, have a certain
gait. Worse still – like breathing. I cannot change the way I breathe, now can I?
They scare me by the way. The strong words. Because I wonder if I will ever know when it
is just too much, when I am too much.
They shock me too actually. When I examine the things I said, the things
I wrote. And I am like – was that
me? Goodness – too much.
I wonder -should I go easy on my words and language? The ideas, the thoughts? Why can’t I be gentler. In manner, word and deed.
I was told recently, we are each a product of our
socialisation. Though again I think the
born part and not the formed part is what ultimately comes through when it is
crunch time. Random thought that, I
digress. Were you taught to be a
lady? To be toned down? To be quiet?
Were you taught not to use some words. Not to say some things.
Were you taught not to do some things. That you must act this way?
Was I taught the same?
If I call it like it is, speak it like it is, do it
like it is, am I not a lady? Was does
ladysim start? Where does it end? When
it ends, what am I? What will they call
me?
What is the norm for a lady? In the part of the world
you are in – are you a lady? Do they
call you a lady?
The woman in Egypt, who wore male garb all these
years, walked male, talked male, hangout male, to fend for her and her kin - is she a lady in Egypt? Would she be a lady in your home town?
Do ladies have hidden pockets of ungodliness and
crassness? Some earthy vulgarity? Do ladies ever speak words that are improper,
or earthy and blue? Is turning up your loud unseemly? Not the proper thing for a
lady to do?
Are mad women ladies?
Am I a lady?
I am a lady.
Not a perfect lady. I am my own lady
– which is the perfect lady for me.
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