I am a perfect lady

My words are strong. Very strong. Sometimes too strong. Wince causing strong language.

I have many lines of defense. The first one is that I speak it or write as it comes. Is that a good defense? That if I changed the words it would not be my original thoughts?

Another line of defense- if I try to change the words, then the message, the meaning of what I was saying is lost. And I cannot allow that to happen, now can I?

I can argue it is my style. That I do not know any other way. It is like walking. I can only walk a certain way, have a certain gait. Worse still – like breathing. I cannot change the way I breathe, now can I?

They scare me by the way. The strong words. Because I wonder if I will ever know when it is just too much, when I am too much.

They shock me too actually. When I examine the things I said, the things I wrote. And I am like – was that me? Goodness – too much.

I wonder -should I go easy on my words and language? The ideas, the thoughts? Why can’t I be gentler. In manner, word and deed.

I was told recently, we are each a product of our socialisation. Though again I think the born part and not the formed part is what ultimately comes through when it is crunch time. Random thought that, I digress. Were you taught to be a lady? To be toned down? To be quiet?

Were you taught not to use some words. Not to say some things.

Were you taught not to do some things. That you must act this way?

Was I taught the same?

If I call it like it is, speak it like it is, do it like it is, am I not a lady? Was does ladysim start? Where does it end? When it ends, what am I? What will they call me?

What is the norm for a lady? In the part of the world you are in – are you a lady? Do they call you a lady?

The woman in Egypt, who wore male garb all these years, walked male, talked male, hangout male, to fend for her and her kin - is she a lady in Egypt? Would she be a lady in your home town?

Do ladies have hidden pockets of ungodliness and crassness? Some earthy vulgarity? Do ladies ever speak words that are improper, or earthy and blue? Is turning up your loud unseemly? Not the proper thing for a lady to do?

Are mad women ladies?

Am I a lady?

I am a lady. Not a perfect lady. I am my own lady – which is the perfect lady for me.

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