Trust my path

image from https://redletterwords.com/

I recently had a session with Florence Achama Ukpabi, a courage and confidence coach on visibility. It wasn’t a long session – just under an hour, as we got our times mixed up [time zone things], and she had been waiting for me for probably close to an hour.

After a questionnaire – that I should have filled up before and sent to her [which then took up more off the hour long session], she asked me what I wanted to talk about. The issues I brought out were linked already – I do not do things because I fear the inevitable outcome of being visible, and with that comes a strange fear of success, because people – because visibility is made alive in being seen, and people are the ones seeing, and they will have opinions and thoughts. About me. Horror me timbers and shake them up.

I had told her before, within her group when she run a procrastination personality quiz [Transformed over Conformed: Courageously & Confidently YOU - she also runs a public page Faith & Belief Coaching for Christian Women], that I had visibility issues.

As we worked through my issue, she drew out from me that I am very comfortable being visible in familiar spaces. Intellectual spaces, clear talent spaces – where my knowledge, skills and experience serve me well. The issue was stepping out into a new space, where I haven’t been before. My life, my path is driving me – with my full acceptance, nay full embracing - into a new space. A heart space. I do not know what will happen, and this requires faith. It is the speaking out of my faith, loudly and vocally, and not just to those who are familiar with my change and growth. The sharing of the real faith me, an authentic me, the heart me – talents, abilities and gifts – to many. The many who will include those with opinions and thoughts. Visibility plus plus.

Further probing – I need to trust. Trust is a verb. A doing word. I need to just do it. Step out. And look to the final output, and final impact. The middle might get muddy and heavy, opinioned and full of thoughts, I might not have it clear, but I have to slog it, with my eye on the goal, knowing that I am doing it for the right reasons, God reasons.

Trust the process they usually say. And what is the process? I wrote about it recently. The process is my path. Trust my path. Trust what I am doing now. In this moment. Now. To get me to the next moment. Trust. I just need to trust.

After wards – I have through reflection also come to realise than I am fragile. I do not know if anyone else is, but I am. And recently a friend and associate asked me – why do I listen to what people say. I must get to the bottom of that. But off the top of my mind comes words like sensitivity [too much of it I think] and a beat down of my wishes when I was young which made me think that I did not know what was best for me.

I just need to trust. Trust the process. Trust my path.

Amen.

PS – thank you Florence.

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