Married to a stranger

You meet someone. You are attracted to them. You love them. You do the whole wedding shebang thing. Married. And then you live together.

Or you live together first and then get married. But key is the marriage ceremony thingini happens and then the living together. You must be married first, for you to realise that you married a stranger.

Because after some time, and this has nothing to do with the honeymoon stage, or the 7 year itch, or the 10 year hurdle, you look at your partner and realise, crap – who the hell is this. Who did I get married to. Who am I living with. Who did I hitch up my wagon to. All my wagons. Holyshitthisiscrazy. I have no clue who this person is. What in ternation am I doing here. Blistering barnacles. Someone send in the marines. Oh merrrn. What am I going to do. Was I insane. No way. This cannot be hapn’ng to me. No way.

Yep. It always happens. The person you married is not the person you are with today. You married the wrong person. Imagine that.

And then you go through the whole anger, acceptance and etc cycle. The sooner you go through the cycle the sooner you get over it and the better it is for you. And the married other.

And unless the married other is psychotic, [and sometimes it’s very hard to know if they are not,] you will be okay. Because you need to get the stranger programme out, and run it. You have to become the Good Samaritan. The married Samaritan. On your road to Jericho.

Compassion. And love. To the stranger you married. This is the first placed person, the priority person, in your life who is in dire need of assistance. If you are ever going to help your neighbour, the time is this coz the neighbour’s in your bed. Love your neighbour as your love yourself. And the neighbour is right here – your stranger, your married other.

Yes – you must to love the stranger you married. Love. And giving. Over and beyond the minimum required. Loving and giving generously.

Forsake the hardness of your heart. Breaking your selfishness. And give. And love. And through this, achieve your destination.

We never know whom we marry; we just think we do. Or even if we first marry the right person, just give it a while and he or she will change. For in marriage, #being [the enormous thing it is] means we are not the same person aftwer we have entered it. The primary challenge if marriage is learning how to love and care for the sranger to whom you find yourself married.....

Stanley Hauerwas

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