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You have the clap from me



Yes that is what I have typed.  You have not read me wrong.  You have the clap. From me.

Let me explain.  

Yesterday I had great conversation.  That fluid rolling kind of conversation that starts with a broken toe acquired at some Scottish ritual dance, veers towards an anti-stiletto campaign kissed and signed on the blank side of a dirty flyer and ends up at the largest river in the world that is apparently under the Sahara and is draining into the Atlantic as we speak.  That kind of conversation. That is punctuated by gales of laughter and rude interruptions. 

A mixed group.  Male and female, black and white, old or rather mature and hitting menopause and or young - take your pick.  Different backgrounds, different professions, lives and habitats.  Born in the States, living in Paris but working in South East Afrika kind of people.  

In such a group, “who are you” does tend to come up, especially if some people are meeting others for the first time.  I am married.  I am a father.  I’m single.  I am heterosexual.  I am Luo.  I am British.  I am Kenyanising.  I am Kenyan.

The corrupt Kenyan?  Yes – the corrupt Kenya.  The Transparency International Corruption Perspective Index at number 137 out of 177 Kenya? Yes – that Kenya.  I am that Kenyan.  The bottom quartile?  Probably, maybe, ok-yes.  Which means you are quite corrupt as a country and a people?  Yes.

Transparency International says this;
The Corruption Perceptions Index 2013 serves as a reminder that the abuse of power, secret dealings and bribery continue to ravage societies around the world. 
The Index scores 177 countries and territories on a scale from 0 (highly corrupt) to 100 (very clean). No country has a perfect score, and two-thirds of countries score below 50. This indicates a serious, worldwide corruption problem…..
The world urgently needs a renewed effort to crack down on money laundering, clean up political finance, pursue the return of stolen assets and build more transparent public institutions.  http://www.transparency.org/cpi2013/results
If Kenya is corrupt, it means that you Kenyans are corrupt.  It means that you are actively engaged in this stinking filthy business that is corruption.  And that is not something to be proud of!

 Oh well that is one perspective.  Then there is the other perspective.  The one which amazes some  – people who may not be Kenyan, or might have a conscience, or may care what other people or the rest of the world thinks about them. 

The other perspective is this - we as a country, as a people are proud of being corrupt.  Very proud of it.  Why – because if we are going to do something, we might as well do it well.  No use doing things in half measure.  We must be the best we can be!  So we must be very good at corruption.  We must be the best.

And that is the part that saddens us.  That we are not number 177!  It means we are not the best.  It means we are not doing this corruption well.  We must be number 177.  That should be out goal.  It is amazing that South Sudan (173), Sudan (174) and Somalia (175), are more corrupt than us.  How can they be better at corruption than us?  Are we not their big brother?  Are we not the ones who have mentored them economically and politically?  When we pause and reflect, it is good they are good at it, because I think that the success of a parent is measured by the success of the children.  We taught them well, did we not?  Our children are now taller than us.

Meanwhile, while we applaud our children, we must remember we have a lot of catching up to do.  We mustn't sit on our laurel.  We must move fast, otherwise we will be get behind - we will be thrown out of the corruption race.  We must find new ways of doing these things that make us corrupt, or better ways of doing these corrupt things, or better still – a whole new set of corrupt  things to do.
And this index needs to change.  It must be reversed.  1 should become most corrupt, and 177 the goody-two-shoe countries that care what people think.  This will be easier to understand for all Kenyans and will motivate us more.  Number 1 most corrupt country.  That is something to work toward - is it not?

I wonder if anyone knows someone who can speak to those people at that Transparency organisation and we organize something so that we can be number 177 now?  And also find out how much, sorry, what it would take, to have them change the order so that number 1 is the most corrupt, so that we will now be number 1 most corrupt.  I like that.  Somebody do something.

Meanwhile, let me say that as a corrupt Kenyan to another, I am very proud of you, and if I had a big trophy cup thing to give, I would give it to you.  For effort, now and in the future, because I know your wish and desire to be even more corrupt is very high. 

Unfortunately I do not not have that trophy cup thing to give out.  Since I do not have it – let me applaud you.  Accompanied by a clap for you.  A big resounding clap.  Yes!!  You have the clap from me.


  
image from www.clker.com



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