Once upon a time you had a friend

Once upon a time you had a friend.  And you were good friends.  Then, like some good things, the friendship came to an end.

There was no dramatic fallout between you.  No hurled insults and abuses.  No nothing like that.  Just a longer time to respond to a greeting, and an increasing number of missed calls.  And time.  Time happened in between you.

Sometimes you think about things from the other side of the friendship.  And wonder if it was a deliberate decision to move on.  But then you reason, it doesn’t really matter why the friendship ended, what is important is the fact that, once it was there, and then it was not.

Then months later, or maybe years later, your former good friend turns up, and attempts to slide back into your life with a ‘Hello Stranger! How have you been?” smiley kind of electronic message.

And you are thinking, “Stranger?  Me?  You stopped engaging in calls, sms or emails. You came to my part of the woods at some point, and there was a comedy of missed calls and sms.  I am sure you have been nearby recently, but you did not get in touch with me.  Is that how I become a stranger?  By you pushing me away?  That is your label for me?  Stranger?  No- I will take it, I will not own it.’

In idle moments, random thoughts play in your mind.  “What is this message about?  Why comment into my life now?  For what purpose?”

And you are affronted.  How does someone disappear from your life.  For months or years.  And then one random day send a “Hi.  Long time.  Let’s do coffee?’ message.

You are affronted. 

Here is someone, trying to slide back into your life, like going back to a bookmarked page of a dusty book that’s been lying idle on some shelf in their life.  And you are thinking that they probably thought, ‘I never finished that book, wonder what happened to the characters, must find out…”

It’s happened before.  Of course it has.  In the past.  Lost touch with bosom buddies.  For whatever reason.  And reconnected again without much ado. 

But no, not this time you think.  We were young then, and flighty.  Foolish and immature.  Living for the moment.  Never valued things.  Or people.

Not this time, you think.  Not that way.  You know better now and you must do better.

You hold relationships dear now.  You value people.  You look for certain things in those around you now.    

Longevity.  People who will go the distance with you. 

Truth.  People who tell it to you like it is. 

Trust.  People you can rely on. 

Acceptance.  Of who you were and what you are becoming.

Supportive.  Someone who always has your back.

Selfless.  Will give and give to you.

Happy.  To celebrate your successes.

Things like that.  They seem to matter more and more as time goes by.  And it is reciprocal. They give.  You multiply it.  And give it back to them.  It just grows and grows into these wonderful moments.  It’s a wonderful thing, friendship.

Forthrightness, honesty and respect.  Respect for you as a person and for your feelings.  Yes, genuine respect is very important to you now.

You think it is respectful that they would acknowledge your dusty bookmarked situation.  You expect that they would acknowledge it with more than a“Hello stranger”.  You expect that they would at least try to explain themselves.  You expect  something, anything, but not a “Lets do coffee”. 

You wish they have something to tell you.  Something that would be balm to your discarded self.  But all they want is to pretend that all is well, nothing has changed, and slip back into what would be for you a false groove.

False?  Yes, false.  To one of you at least.  Or maybe, to both of you. You will never know.  Not for sure.

There are many things you would like to know.  And to say.  But you cannot say.  Will not say.  For you know it will not lead to what you think true friendship is.  So you choose not to engage.  Because you live with yourself twentyfour seven and cannot fool yourself.

There are many things you would like to hear.  But you do not wait to hear.  Because you now believe people.  When they show you who they are - you believe them.  The first time and always.

In pensive moments, in silent moments, you remember your friend.  You remember the good times.  You wish the end of friendship had not come. 

When remember your friend, you wish them well.  You wish them peace.  You wish them knowledge and wisdom.  So that above all, they may grant themselves a second chance, with another such as you. 

You wish them friendship. True friendship.

image from http://outrunningthefork.com